Please forgive me as this post is longer than normal. I wanted to keep all the various sections in one post. Thanks for bearing with me.

What’s the point of ExtraCurriculars anyway? Sports, Music, Dance, Theatre, and on and on and on…. As Christ-followers, should they even be part of our lives? How do we stay “set apart” and not just go with the flow and let the culture make our decisions for us? What does it look like to be Christ-centered in our extracurriculars and not allow worldly things to capture our hearts and worldly views to creep into our mindsets?

I hear these ponderings and worries all.the.time amongst homeschooling moms and in my own head. And as I’ve listened and reflected on what I’m learning, I wanted to share some thoughts that I pray can help guide others who struggle in this area. It’s so easy to get stuck in fear (FOMO) cycles and wander into worldly thoughts, so I pray the Lord will give you a fresh, Christ-focused vision for the extras! I do not want to focus on practical things that are obvious to me (pray before joining anything, obey the Lord and put it in a lower place if it’s getting in the way of family closeness or Church commitments) but want to try to plant seeds in the heart and mind about the bigger picture of it all!

As Christ Followers, the goal of extra-curriculars (as in all things) is to build our children’s character to be more like Jesus, help them walk closer to Him, and help them glorify Him with their lives. If the Extra-Curricular activities are not doing these things… they are worthless and will lead away from Christ.

So if we agree on those goals: character building, closer walk with Jesus, glorify Him…. HOW do we accomplish them?

We teach children to do ALL things from the Lord, through the Lord, for the Lord. “For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:36

From the earliest of ages, we teach our children these truths by our example and by our words.

From Him
Teach them that they can do nothing of worth without Jesus. (Romans 15:5) Every single thing they are able to do is because of Him. Are they intelligent? Gifted physically? Have time to practice? Have extra time because they are homeschooled? Live in a country where they can participate in extracurriculars and not just work from dawn to dusk? Do you have cars to taxi them here and there? Did they have money for sign ups? Look at all that had to be lined up for them to even participate in the extra-curricular. We must teach them to be thankful and know it’s all a gift. It has all been received…
For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? Romans 11:36

Through Him
This is where we can really help our children walk closer with the Lord. Teach them to think of Him all the time. Are they needing more discipline to practice daily when it’s boring? Direct them to ask Jesus for help. Are they really struggling to meet a hard goal? Pray together for strength! Do they struggle with anxiety & stage fright? Pray the Lord’s peace for them and teach them how the Holy Spirit covers them. Talk to them about Jesus and His promise to give us all we need to do anything He asks of us. Talk about Him more more more!

To Him
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” Col 3:23 We must teach our kiddos to work and perform for the Audience of One. Show them that we work at everything we do as we are working for the Lord, not for men. We perform not for the praise of man but for the Lord, our Creator. We give our lives, even the smallest tasks as an offering to Him. “Brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” Romans 12:1

At the youngest of ages, we can help plant these seeds to help them be Jesus-focused and do all things from, through, and for Him! Before every competition or performance, we can pray, “Lord Jesus we thank you for all the gifts you have given ___, give her strength to try her best and calm her nerves by your Holy Spirit. Remind her that you are right there with her! Give her eyes for you and help her picture YOU being the audience. We offer this performance back to you as a gift!”

What Glorifies God?
So… if the goals are Christlike character, a closer walk with Jesus, and to glorify the Lord… what even glorifies the Lord? How do we best glorify Him?

I asked one of my kiddos this question. “Thinking of your upcoming performance… how do you glorify the Lord? What glorifies Him the most?” and she answered, “Performing for Him, trying my best, being humble, and being encouraging to those around me” Bullseye!

Is the Lord always most glorified by the star of the show? Is He most glorified by the athlete who wins? I think His ways are way higher than that. And His thoughts are higher than ours. I wonder if the prosperity gospel type preaching really has infiltrated into all areas of live, including children’s activities. We have to pray continually to see things from His perspective and look for what delights Him. And we truly have to help our children leave their offerings between them and the Lord and not compare them to others.

We must be careful what our words communicate. Do we emphasize what place they got more than how they have progressed? Do we praise their hard work and character traits or do we only focus on what praise/awards/prizes they received (from man)?

We must be very careful that we are not sending the message to a child that their value is in “winning” or even that “winning” is ever to be the highest goal. YES competition is good and we can bring out each other’s best by spurring each other on. Paul says we should run the race to win! But winning is not the highest goal and it’s not the greatest command.

So when our children run over to celebrate with us, let our first words always be words of praise to the Lord and praise of character. And certainly never “you won!!!”

Surrender To God’s Will
We also have to help our children accept the Lord’s sovereignty in what they receive.

Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use? Romans 9:21

Accepting the role, the place, the position the Lord has for us will be a skill needed for the rest of their earthly lives. Once we have prayed and tried our best… there is a true relinquishment that must happen so we can accept the Lord’s will and die to our own. This is a huge part of following Christ and glorifying Him with our lives and preparing us to be used mightily by Him. If we can be faithful in the small and learn to truly be content and accept His will, we will be a truly precious piece of clay and be of great use to Him to bless others. We won’t always get the parts we want in the performance. We won’t always be as fast as others on our team, no matter how hard we train. We have to accept these things and simply try our best.

The Lord’s point of view is very clearly different than the world’s. We must have eyes to see things from His perspective. We have to accept the places He has us and the roles He has for us. We can trust HE knows best and He knows our children’s hearts and what they need to learn. We can trust if He doesn’t give them what they want, He is protecting them from something or teaching them more important, deeper heart lessons. We all will succumb to the emotions of disappointment or what we feel like is injustice. We will all resort to earthly-thinking in moments… but the important thing is to recognize it and gather up the thoughts & emotions and make them obedient to Christ! WHO we turn to when we falter and who we have our children turn to is most important.

The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. Matthew 23:14-15

Die to Self
I think it’s pretty evident that self esteem, self confidence, self reliance should not be the goals of extracurriculars at all. Nothing in the Word speaks on glorifying self or relying on self and we know that the Lord’s esteem of our-selves (because of Christ’s work!) is the highest blessing and gift we will ever receive! I think so much of the work the Lord has to do in us adults to become more like Him is because of the selfishness fostered in us as children through our culture. Let us, as christian parents, be different and truly help our children understand how to live the blessed and abundant life: being Christ-focused and not self-focused. The person who is truly blessed has the freedom of self-forgetfulness and is not trying to estimate their worth by comparing to others, gathering up the praise of man, or in “success” of awards and trophies. They are secure and fruitful and therefore “successful” as they abide in His love more and more.

So let the character development opportunities come. Do not fear for your children as hard things come. Growth often involves pain. Trust the Lord will take care of His lambs! And it all can be turned to a truly “good thing” when we help them deal with envy, disappointment, frustration, and even when they are mistreated by others who are boasting. They are going to have to deal with these life circumstances for the rest of their lives and THIS is the best time to equip them and train them up to handle things in Christ-like ways that honor Him and draw them near to His heart. With Christ as the center of their lives and parents that love and pray and guide them to Jesus over and over and over again … they are truly blessed!

God is SO GOOD and Jesus will truly be sufficient for them. Until they have come to that revelation themselves, believe it for them! And do you believe that for yourself? Perhaps there is a lot of heart work needed in us as parents as well, and weak areas in ourselves are really exposed as we recognize the fears and striving we have for our children.

The Journey not the Destination
With these 3 most important goals in mind: character, walking closer to Jesus, glorifying Him… know that your kiddos can be great in these areas and successful exactly where they are. You do not have to wait until their senior year and it’s not about a particular destination.

It’s incredible how the Lord parents us as we parent our children. We must choose to have faith and not fear. The Lord responds to faith. So do not fear your children will never reach their “full potential” because of decisions you’re making. We will NOT reach our full potential here on earth so rest that anxiety at the altar. Do not fear you are causing them to “waste their talents” by not getting them into an activity at an early age. Do not fear. Trust the Master’s heart. And really allow Him to do the heart work in yourself as a parent to keep your heart pure and turn from any idols you have allowed to creep in. Listen to what your words are teaching your children. Be careful of the messages you send. We do not worship our children, man’s praise, man’s treasures, or “success”. What do you talk about most? and first?Remember, it’s all about the process, the journey! Praise the process and growth and leave the end results up to Him.

We all know that every parent thinks their child is super special and distinguished. Every good parent thinks that. They ARE super special and distinguished and one of a kind, to you! But do not surprised or disappointed when the world doesn’t see it as much as you do. You do not have to maneuver and strive for them to be seen. Pray for them, direct them to Jesus over over over again, delight in them, enjoy them, be so proud of their hard work and how they are the apple of your eye, and don’t forget to lift up and edify and enjoy other’s children alongside yours.

All of these children are the LORD’s anyway and just given to us to steward for a time. What right would we have to boast of them? Are we trying to find our worth in the talents that the Lord has gifted our children? or by their “success”? or by what other people say about them? These are good questions to reflect on regularly as parents.

I think when we look back at our own lives and our children’s lives, we will see much clearer! It was all about the journey.

So do not get so focused on some end finish line that you miss what it was all about: walking with Jesus, glorifying Him in all, growing in Christlike character.

And remember – even the world’s highest treasures will end up a trash heap some day.

(When our house was flooded with 7 feet of water in 2018 and all our damaged “stuff” was thrown into big piles…. seeing this trophy and all the other awards and treasures that were destroyed was a visual I wanted to remember)

Thanks for reading!!!

Previous Heart of Homeschooling Posts:

Heart of Homeschooling – What’s Your Vision